Owning My Own Story – Do You
I grew up and had a pretty non-descript normal childhood in Essex, living with both parents (that was still quite normal then), I had one brother, no pets apart from goldfish and had a happy, normal life. I did well at school, chose not to go to Uni but had my choice of several jobs in the City and had a wonderful time in my 20’s at work. Working long hours, having a great group of friends and colleagues, leading a pretty hedonistic lifestyle, thinking it was normal to drink pink champagne every night and believing that life would go on for ever and we would all be healthy.
I met my husband to be at aged 19, got a mortgage at 21 (gulp), we got married at 25, moved to our second house; I had forged a successful career in the City……and I was set to pretty much emulate my parents life – suburban semi, 2.4 children, cat, dog…..and I would have had a pair of slippers by the time I was 30, been settled and sensible, staying “inside” the box, having 1 holiday a year and maybe occasionally a weekend away. Striving to having the “things” that meant we were achieving. Outwardly I was “successful” and a daughter my parents could be proud of….I was sensible and responsible.
Now, I have genuine immense gratitude for the events of 1996 / 1997 that turned my life upside down and inside out and set me on a path or self exploration, self expression; set me on the path of the searcher, to discover who I was, to break outside of the mould my (wonderful) parents, schooling and society had created for me. Those events allowed me to break out of the prison that I didn’t even know I was in and to really ask myself the questions:
Who am I?
What do I want?
What and who do I love?
What sets me alight?
What makes my heart and soul sing?
What does freedom mean for me?
What is my life purpose?
Why am I here?
Now 20 years on….I have answered all of those questions at least once……and I still continue to ask myself those questions and more. I gave birth to an amazing son, my wonderful dad died and my ex husband walked out the day after my dads funeral. It was a pretty sh*t time……and if someone had told me at the time, everything happens for a reason, I probably wouldn’t have listened. Maybe they did tell me that!!
All I vaguely remember is my brother feeding me chocolate biscuits and telling me to eat……and managing to somehow survive on virtually sleepless nights, working full time in the City with a newborn son who was poorly and an ex husband who seemed to get enjoyment from making an already challenging situation even worse.
However, all of that is WAY in the past……..and as I said above, I am genuinely grateful for the set of circumstances that allowed me to embark on a massive growth path and to discover and finally embody and own the immense feminine power, strength and wisdom that we all have within us.
It has been a journey of ups and downs and at times I have found myself on an emotional roller coaster. I have many friends now who are “on the path of self discovery” and we often jest – oh no! Here we go again – another layer to peel of, another journey of discovery.
But I for one would not swap the challenge, growth and discovery for stagnation, boredom and conventionality.
It is not for everyone.
It is sometimes easier to ignore what is going on and find solace in a bottle of Pinot Grigio, a bar of chocolate, a gruelling run (or all of those things!!).
But it is immensely rewarding, energising and I genuinely love my life.
So the things that happened when I was about 30 turned my life around……..it did define me for a while, but I think it is really important to acknowledge our story and we can have the choice, does that story define us, and become our excuse (and everyone would understand and empathise if we did do that) or do we use it as a catalyst for change and an opportunity to step up and be who we are born to be?
Yes, I have studied all the popular psychology over the years and there are lots of golden nuggets within that, but I am not suggesting that when something happens, that we immediately brush ourselves off, ignore how we feel and then start doing something positive to move forward.
We need to spend some time being with ourselves, really feeling what we feel, not seeking to change it, or make it wrong, or find a reason for it – but just to be with it – no matter how painful it is……then when we are ready…….start to create a new way forward as we follow our own path and choose the next chapter of the story we want to write.
I am now a yoga teacher, maybe a yogi entreprenuer!! I get to live an amazing life every day. I may not have many material things that I own, but I have travelled and experienced different cultures, I have taken part in many trainings and experiences and regularly lead retreats and workshops, as well as private sessions, working with my students and clients to allow them to start or continue on their own exciting journey of discovery – a journey towards wholeness, a journey towards genuine joy.
I absolutely love my work and my life! This is the story I prefer to write and the one I choose to define me!
I love colour, I love laughter, and I love going deep with the spiritual……I believe we can combine all….